The Day That Donald Trump Went to Jail
Ah yes; I remember it well.
INT. LIVING ROOM - EVENING
The year is 2039. We are in a suburban home, perhaps Scarsdale or Katonah. A robot bartender is mixing cocktails for STAN (40) and DOLORES (40); daughter BEATRICE (12) is watching TV while fiddling with her phone. They are dressed very much like Star Trek officers, but are not as physically fit. Theirs is a happy marriage, and the home is a peaceful one.
STAN
You know, I’ve had worse days!
BEATRICE
Wait; does that mean you had a good day, or a bad one?
STAN
A VERY good day, in fact. Maybe one of the best days of my life.
DOLORES
Whoa, that’s really saying something!
BEATRICE
What were the other best days of your life, dad?
DOLORES
May I guess?
STAN
Feel free.
DOLORES
Hmm. The day we met?
STAN
I think I HAVE to say “yes” to that one.
DOLORES punches STAN in the
arm, semi-playfully.
STAN
Ow!
DOLORES
That was a warning shot.
STAN
Yes, of course the day we met, dummy!
DOLORES
How about... the day you won the Pulitzer?
STAN
That was indeed a very good day.
(music begins: *THE DAY THAT
DONALD TRUMP WENT TO JAIL*)
But there was an even better day.
STAN
IT WAS JULY OF 24
I HEARD THE PAPER HIT THE DOOR
IT WAS IN BIG, BLACK LETTERS WRITTEN ACROSS THE DAILY MAIL
IT WAS THE DAY THAT DONALD TRUMP WENT TO JAIL
DOLORES
GOT ON THE SUBWAY OUT IN QUEENS
AND THOUGH WE WERE PACKED IN LIKE SARDINES
THERE WAS AN ELECTRICITY THAT WASN’T IN THE RAIL
IT WAS THE DAY THAT DONALD TRUMP WENT TO JAIL
STAN
IT WAS A DAY THAT WE NEVER WILL FORGET
IT BROKE THE INTERNET AND FILLED THE BARS
IT WAS A DAY WE HAVEN’T GOTTEN OVER YET
SOMEHOW WE GOT TO HIM BEFORE WE GOT TO MARS
DOLORES
IT WASN’T REALITY TV
STAN
IT WAS JUST PLAIN REALITY
STAN/DOLORES
IT WAS A DEMONSTRATION THAT THE LAW WAS NOT FOR SALE
IT WAS THE DAY THAT DONALD TRUMP WENT TO JAIL
DOLORES
Before that day, everything felt kind of hopeless
STAN
(agreeing)
We were just about ready to give up. It seemed that democracy was on life support.
DOLORES
But somehow the rule of law held, and now Trump is pressing license plates in Sing Sing!
BEATRICE
Well then sing! Sing!
STAN/DOLORES
IT WAS A DAY WE THOUGHT WE’D NEVER LIVE TO SEE
PRESUMPTIVE NOMINEE IN PRISON CLOTHES
WHO’S TO SAY IF HE EVER WILL BE FREE
IF HE PARDONS HIMSELF THEN THAT’S THE WAY IT GOES
STAN
IT WAS A TIME WHEN THINGS WERE ROUGH
DOLORES
BUT LADY JUSTICE HAD ENOUGH
STAN/DOLORES
AND THOUGH SHE IS BLIND, SHE MUST HAVE KNOCKED HIS FINGER OFF THE SCALE
THERE ON THE DAY THAT DONALD TRUMP
STAN
Oy vey that Donald Trump!
STAN/DOLORES
IT WAS THE DAY THAT DONALD TRUMP WENT TO JAIL
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©Copyright 2024 Jonathan Feinberg / What Are Songs (BMI)
Music and lyrics by Jonathan Feinberg
Arranged and produced by Jonathan Feinberg
Stan: Todd Honeycutt
Dolores: Jennifer Malenke
Beatrice: Juniper Seagle